Webinar Replay - Grit and Grace
- What a great way to start it off. I don't know if I'm finished dancing and feeling everything at the moment or not. Hopefully all of you enjoyed that as well. Hello, everyone. I am Rachael Sampson, director of the Key@Work and Key4Women programs here at KeyBank, and I want to welcome you to our program today. I'm so excited to be with you today as we kick off Women's History Month with a bang. Women's History Month is a time for all of us to spotlight and celebrate the women trailblazers throughout history and of today who have made an impact on women's lives and careers. These are the phenomenal women who blaze the way for future generations of women and girls, breaking through barriers and obstacles that once stood in the way, so that all of us can dream bigger and reach further towards our goals. As Shirley Chisholm, the first African American congresswomen, said best, "If you don't have a seat at the table, bring a folding chair." I encourage all of you to own your career, have courageous conversations to ask for what you want and what you have earned. Build your network. Start or grow a business. Connect with other women and influencers in business and in your community. Offer your support to be a mentor. Yes, there is more work to be done to achieve equity, equality, and belonging, but I absolutely believe that together and with everyone's support, we can achieve it. Today, I am so thrilled to be joined by one such trailblazer, Cheryle Robinson Jackson. Cheryle's career has been marked by many firsts, spanning international business, healthcare, civil rights, politics, government, not-for-profit, and the media. In 2001, Cheryle became CEO of My Doctor, a telehealth company that offers virtual care to the general market and culturally specific care to the black and Latinx community with its black telehealth and Latinx telehealth platforms. Prior to My Doctor, she served as senior vice president of global business development and president of AAR Africa for AAR, a global aviation services company. Cheryle has served on the boards of Business Council for International Understanding, BCIU, a national organization dedicated to facilitating person-to-person relationships between the United States businesses and businesses and government leaders worldwide, the Corporate Council for Africa, the Illinois District Export Council, the Congressional Black Caucus Policy Institute, Northwestern University, and the Field Museum, and Chicago Foundation for Women. She was also a candidate for President Obama's once vacant US Senate seat in 2010, and was the first female president and CEO of the Chicago Urban League. In that capacity, she led one of the most transformational periods of growth at a vulnerable civil rights organization, shifting its focus from social services to economic development. Cheryle also served as communications director of the governor of Illinois and was the first woman and African American in the state's history to ever hold that position. Her professional experience also includes senior level positions at Amtrak and NPR. In 2008, she founded Grit and Grace, The Movement, a woman's empowerment organization to help advance the ambition of women. In her intimate TEDx talk, "Grit and Grace," Cheryle validates the career trajectory of go-getters like herself, but implores women to self-advocate and practice grace and self-compassion as a sustainable model of success. The overwhelming response led her to consider ways to serve women on a broader scale with Grit and Grace, The Movement, which provides access to coaching, conferences, community and content to inspire and empower women. "Grit and Grace, one won't let you give up, and the other makes it okay to let go." Cheryle, I have to say, what a dynamic and incredible career journey. I am so glad. Thank you so much for being here with us today to help us kick off Women's History Month.
- Hi. Hi. I'm so excited to be here with you, Rachael, and with the women of Key4Women. I'm honored. What a privilege. Hello, everyone in chat. I see you. I see you. There's a lot of you all in chat. Do we have a second for everybody to shout out where they're from, what city and where you're dialing in from. That would be awesome if you could. Oh, my goodness, Cleveland.
- Love it. All across the country. Fabulous.
- This is awesome. Awesome. That's right. Shout out your city. Anybody outside of the US, shout yourself out. This is awesome. This is awesome. Well, thank you so much for this opportunity. I can't wait for this conversation.
- Yes, and it's been great, you know, just getting to know you and you're just so warm and, you know, gracious and just given what an incredible journey that you've been on a many first, I just have to say it has been a absolute pleasure working with you and getting to know you over this time and so inspired and don't wanna take any more time from... We can get right into it 'cause we got a ton of questions from our audience. So as we see this lively chat, we've got a lively Q and A. So, audience, please don't forget to chat in your questions throughout. We'll take as many as we can throughout the conversation and then we'll have a Q and A at the end as well as always. So as we start off, given that it's Women History Month, I wanna start out by asking you to share who are the influential women who inspired you in your life and career?
- That's a interesting question. I've been thinking about that, Rachael, and please chat. Feel free to just jump into this conversation. You guys are like the church, okay? So talk back at me. I need to hear from chat. But interesting question. I've been giving it some thought. I can tell you who I like and who I'm inspired by, and there are many women, I mean, at the top of my list is always Oprah, right? But there's so many women for different reasons. Some are, you know, I mentioned Oprah, Mellody Hobson, Rosalind Brewer, who's the CEO now of Walgreens, Mother Teresa, because I think she epitomizes of what it means to walk in your brilliance, and when you do, you have an impact on the people around you. But honestly, coming up as a young woman and as I was moving into my career, I really didn't have very many or any role models to look around and say, "Yes, you know, that's me," or "Yes, I wanna be that." So it was really isolating. I wish there were more role models that were visible. And so the most tangible role model that I had was my own mother.
- Wow, that's really interesting when you think about that. And I know there are a lot of people who think about that, even for me too. So I wanna stay there for a second because then how did you pivot to then start looking at, when you figure out what that plan looks like for you, did you use that as a model later or how did that come about to then inspire you through your business career and in that journey even on through to entrepreneurship?
- Well, you know, Rachael, I talk a lot about ambition, ambition and women, because it's not encouraged enough, as a matter of fact, it's not normalized. It's oftentimes weaponized against women. I call myself a late bloomer, but I was really just late to lean into the bigness and the greatness in me. And one day I was, I think art director, an art director for NPR, National Public Radio, in Washington DC, and it was in the nineties, it's a dot-com era and it was booming, and I just remembered, gosh, you know, there are awful lot of young white men becoming, you know, vice presidents and CEOs of their companies, they're, like, 23, 24, and like, great for them, but it was mind blowing. You know, I thought of CEO maybe in their mid, you know, fifties, sixties. But it just struck me, I was 32 at this time, and 23 year olds and 24 year olds were, you know, being senior vice presidents, vice presidents and CEOs of these, you know, companies coming online. And I remember turning to my then husband saying, "You know, I think I'm gonna be a vice president. If they can be a vice president and they just got outta college, okay, then I'm gonna be a vice president." And then I tagged on, "And I'm gonna have a car service too." I don't know why I tagged on the car service thing, but I did. And I think that's when my ambition kicked in. I didn't see me, but I had a sort of, you know, kind of righteous indignation, like, "Why not me? Why not me?" And there was no cour- Matter of fact, my husband laughed at me, he's like, "You're crazy." And so there was no course around me saying, "You go, girl," and "Yes, you can be CEO," there was none of that. I just had to go dig down within and normalize this for myself. And that was the pivot, when I got a vision, I caught a vision for myself, a higher vision, and that was my pivot.
- Oh, I love that. And you know, that's interesting too because on your website you share a quote, "You don't achieve your goals, you grow into them." So for our audience members, tell me more about that in regards to what we just talked about, about imagining and seeing yourself, and then what should attendees do when they're considering their own goal setting?
- That's true. That's a great question. One, I wanna say thanks to chat. I see all that "You go, girl" in chat and truth and self-determination. That's true. And we'll talk a little bit about that later. So one, I appreciate and I thank you all in chat for affirming me and that moment. We don't achieve our goals, we grow into them. You know, oftentimes when we set goals, particularly at the top of the year, so we're closing out the first quarter now, people made their New year's res-
- Oh, it's so hard believe.
- Yeah, I know. Boy. I shouldn't have even mentioned that. People have made New Year's resolutions, they set new goals for themselves, and if they don't hit the mark, you know, I think that particularly our personal goals, we abandon them. And so we should set goals maybe not to, it's not a matter of checking them off the list, like a to-do list, checking them off the list, like done, lemme scratch through, go to the next, but some goals are meant to be grown into over time. And so while I set that goal to be vice president, I had to grow into that goal. I had to evolve into the, it didn't happen in the first year. It happened actually 18 months later, but it didn't happen overnight. And sometimes you need the experience in the journey to inform you and to teach you and to ready you for positions of leadership, being ready, being not just with a skillset, particularly as you grow into senior leadership, it's not what you do, it's how you move. And so being emotionally and mentally ready for these leadership roles that come with not only enormous responsibility, but for women, it comes with a lot of emotional labor. You shouldn't have to carry this emotional labor, but it is what it is for now until things change. And so growing into your goals helps you to sort of acclimate to the new, not only responsibilities, but for all of the emotional labor that comes with being a woman leading.
- That is so true. And it's interesting when you think about that emotional labor and really having to play the game while we're changing it at the same time.
- Yes. That's really good, Rachael. Play the game while changing it at the same time. That's tweetable. Somebody get on Twitter.
- That is one of my favorite sayings. I'm sure this crowd of Key4Women folks have heard me say it many times, but we've got to play the game while we're changing it. So I think that's great. But then sometimes we realize along the way too, like you said, the milestones, growing into them, but sometimes that means having some tough questions that we need to ask ourselves and being really vulnerable and honest in answering 'em, which might require us to pivot. And for you, I mean, you've had an expansive career journey that you've had to pivot. I mean, not just industry, but public versus private. What led you to those pivots and what advice would you give to anyone navigating that, whether it's through career or entrepreneurship?
- Great question. Glad you asked. There are three kinds of pivots. We all know about the pivot of crisis. You know, the pandemic forced us. So there are things outside of your control that force you to pivot, force you to move in a different direction. It's kind of like a permission slip to redo your life, to hit the reset button. And so that's the pivot of crisis, the crisis pivot. The second kind of pivot is when an opportunity finds you, quote, unquote, "lands in your lap." And so you're like, "Wow, you know, why not?" This is too good to pass up on. And so you'll pivot, you know, for an opportunity that comes your way. And then the last kind of pivot is the strategic pivot. That's when you intentionally, you know, decide to change course, blow up your life and chart a different course. Most people think the most desirable pivot is the one that falls into your lap. And that is quietly the most disadvantaged pivot, because when something falls in your lap, it's choosing you, you aren't choosing it. And so, you know, you'll take it and maybe it takes you off course from your dream. Maybe it puts you on a path that's not really your passion, but because it comes with the golden handcuffs, you know, the stocks, the salary, all of the perks, that you do it. And then you wake up, look around, six years in or four years in and you're like, "This isn't me. I'm not fulfilled. This is not taking me to, what happened?" Okay? "I had this, you know, in mind. I had this intended for my dreams and here I am doing this." That's a sneaky, that opportunity that lands in your lap, you really need to be discerning to make certain that it aligns with who you are and where you wanna go. But most people think it's the easiest. That's the most desirable one. It really isn't. The pivot of crisis, yes, it, you know, forces us, it gives us a permission slip, if you are proactive about how you use that crisis, you know, we've heard the phrase, "Let no good crisis go unwasted."
- Yes.
- Yes, but the thing is, with a crisis pivot, while you can make the most of it and it can be a blessing in disguise, it is incredibly disruptive. You can't plan for it. And so that's what really throws people off. In addition, making a change is always difficult, but then making a change in the midst of chaos is even more difficult to sort of make it be a blessing in disguise. So the most desirable pivot is the strategic pivot is when you are intentional about making a change in your life. I've experienced all three. You know, the strategic pivot though will take you the furthest. It will further your dreams and your passion, you know, more quickly. It will catapult you in the path of walking in your brilliance, which is what I call when you're in full alignment, your values, your passion is aligned with your skills and your strengths. And so, you know, I was intentional about working at NPR, and when I think back on my career, I think back on that experience, it was hard, it was difficult, but it was so impactful. I had so much growth there, it really catapulted me. And so I think of that. The pivot into running for office from the Chicago Urban League, it was an opportunity that sort of landed in my lap. I didn't plan for it, but it was an opportunity that, you know, was a good opportunity. It would've been better if I'd had more time to plan for it and prepare for that experience. I'm trying to think of crisis. Pandemic. I am in healthcare now. It wasn't a part of my plan, but because of the pandemic, it I think really motivated, this opportunity found me, it motivated me, had a passion for dealing with disparities in general. And health disparities really were at the forefront of everyone's consciousness in the news. And I was inspired to move in that direction. But yeah, so you have to think about it like, you know, why am I pivoting? And then also think about your career. There ought to be some movement every 18 to 24 months. Doesn't mean you leave your job, but you're finding ways to grow and develop. Sometimes, we are in roles or jobs and we're doing well and we've gotten all the juice out of that lemon, but we don't know it, and so we stay, sometimes stay too long in roles, in projects and in jobs. And so you have to really look at that. Am I growing? Am I learning something new? Am I deepening and developing? Am I growing into my goals? Is this job, this role, this activity, is it facilitating me and my growth and my growth and evolution into a goal, a big goal that I have in my life?
- I love that. And while we're talking about those pivots, whether it's crisis, self-inflicted, strategic, all of those things, and just like you said, you know, are we still in this position that maybe isn't serving us? And a lot of times, you know, it's that fear. It's that...
- Fear.
- And I know you've said in the past, fear is like a shadow. It often looks bigger than reality.
- Yes.
- How did you overcome the fear? 'Cause I have to say, you know, people ask me all the time, "If you weren't in banking, what would you do?" Everybody totally knows I would be in public service, politics somewhere. That's like the scariest thing in the world. That's a big leap when you think about doing things and just your pivots overall in your career. How did you overcome that kinda tremendous amount of fear that I'm sure you had to have at least a little bit.
- Absolutely. I had a whole lot of fear. First of all, in politics and public service, it is statistically proven that a woman has to be asked at least seven times to run for office before she considers it. So everybody in chat just keep on asking Rachael to run for congress, okay? It'll take. On one of these times, it will take, and I hope that, for those of you that are listening, consider this the ask. I invite you to consider running for a public service. We need more women in public office. And so it doesn't mean that you have to run tomorrow, but begin to explore and research and all of that. But consider this an invitation for you to run for office. I would say that women are most perfectly suited to run for office in their second and third acts. So I just wanted to offer the encouragement to you, Rachael, and to anyone out there that's considering it as option. Fear. Fear. Oh, boy, fear is a powerful anchor. It keeps us stuck in misery. Even though we're unhappy and miserable, we will stay stuck in that, choose to stay stuck because of fear. That's how powerful of an anchor fear is. I think that in order to overcome fear, you have to right size it. So what do I mean by that? When we're in our heads, fear looms large, larger and bigger than what it truly is. It is like your shadow. So when you're looking at your shadow, you're in the sun and the sun is hitting at a certain angle and you look down, you see your shadow is much bigger than what you truly are. That's fear. It's much bigger than what it really is. And so you want to right size fear. The first step to right-sizing fear is to know that everything that you want in your life is on the other side of fear. Write a list. All the things that you desire, that you want, the way to get to that is go through fear. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. The second thing is, with fear, is to right size it. It's not to ignore it, 'cause it's there. Let's be real. It's there. But it's like I've once heard someone say, Elizabeth Gilbert, I think, one of a writers, she gave this example. She goes, "Fear is like a child that's upset." They're not really rational, they're just upset, they're crying, they're upset. And you don't go to a child that's crying, you know, maybe you took 'em off the playground before they were ready to go. You know, something like that. You don't really go, your first thing is to sit the child down. Imagine this child is about three, or, you know, or two, two years old, three years old. The first thing you do is you don't sit the child down, you know, litigate the child, like, why they should calm down. The first instinctual thing that you'd with a child is to first calm them down by telling them, "It's okay. It's all right." So you don't introduce rationale into it, you just calm it down, calm the child down, and the child calms down. And then once you calm the child down, then you can begin to explain, you know, why it's best for them to do what you asked for them to do, or let's go to the park now, let's go, it's time to go home, or whatever it is. So the same thing is with fear. You don't rationalize it, try to rationalize with your fear, give all the arguments. You just acknowledge, "This is fear. I know what it is. It's going to be all right. It's going to be all right." So first step is list the things that you really want, and then know that to get to those things, you have to deal with your fear. To deal with your fear, you first acknowledge it, you don't try to rationalize it. Just be honest and remind yourself, no matter how fearful you are, it's going to be all right. Why? You have proof. Look back at your life, you're still here. Okay? You've been here before and you're still living and breathing, and you're at the place you are now because you moved forward in the face of your fear. And then third, don't go from 0 to 60. Whatever courage that you have, find, think about, I want you to role play the thing that you're fearful about doing, role play it all the way out. What if I did X, Y, Z? Just think it all the way through in your head. It costs you nothing. It's risk free. Imagination is free. It's risk free, doesn't cost you anything. No one needs to know but you, okay? That's the thing with imagination. So in your head, role play the thing that you really want, role play it out in your head, every step that it would take to get the thing that you want or do the thing that you wanna do. Then once you do that, think about all the steps, you find the one step that matches the courage that you do have for now. So if that one step is research, "Well, you know, I wanna run for office. Well, let me, I'm freaked out. I'm not ready to make an announcement. I'm not ready to file the papers. I'm not ready to collect, I'm not ready for any of that, but I am ready." Part of the process is to begin what does it take or to take some training. There are courses for women who wanna run for office. "You know what? I can do that. My courage matches that." And what happens is one step begets the next step. That's why it's important to take a step. It doesn't matter where that step is, whether it's at the beginning line, in the middle, or at the finish line, take the first step, because when you take that first step, that first step gives birth to the next step. So that's how you tackle fear by, you know, what is it that I really want? And everything I want is on the other side. Two, lemme acknowledge I am afraid, but I know that it's gonna be all right. Why do I know this? Because I have historical data in my own life. I'm here standing. And then third, find the step in your dreams, or the thing that you want, your aspirations, find the step that matches the courage that you have today. So that's how you address fear.
- I love that. And when you think about that resolve, the resolve to overcome fear, and then that courage to take a step. I love that. Just taking a step.
- Yes.
- And it's funny because the Webster Merriam definition defines grit as courage and resolve, while grace is defined as courteous goodwill. And you've born this wonderful movement, which now, you know, seeing it is absolutely wildly successful, especially given just all the stage advice that we've heard from you so far. So when you think about grit and grace, what does it mean to you and how was that movement born?
- Right. That's a great question. I wanna comment, someone, I think it was Max who said that courage is more exhilarating than fear, and in the long run, it's easier. That's a great way of looking at fear, Max. I wanna encourage that. But here's another secret. Courage. Where do you find courage? Courage is always sitting right next to fear. That's where you find courage. The two are inseparable. And so, know that, that it's okay if you're feeling fearful, doesn't mean that you don't have courage. Matter of fact, you've just found courage. The moment that you feel fear, you have an opportunity to meet courage. So keep that in mind. So grit and grace, how it came about. So I've broken, shattered quite a few ceilings, glass ceilings, in my life. I've been the first woman, or the first African American, or sometimes both, or the trifecta, the youngest back then, okay? The youngest.
- Still now, still now.
- I'm a little bit more, I got some Lawry's Seasoning Salt on me now. But I've broken a few barriers. And so I think that I had plenty, once I got a vision for myself, once I embraced ambition and caught a vision for myself, I had plenty of grit and resilience. Duckworth, what is her first name? She wrote the book "Grit." Angela, Angela Duckworth. She wrote the book "Grit." And she defines grit as resilience in that it is the key to success. And I do not disagree with that at all. You have to be resilient in order to be successful. And particularly women because we face so many barriers. So you absolutely have to be resilient. Good news is, because women face so many barriers, we are naturally resilient, okay? So we come hot wired. And so whatever that makes you an other or the only, well, whatever it is, if it's, you know, geography, if you're, you know, an American living in Europe, or, you know, Asia, you know, that makes you an other. And so you have to strive a little harder to fit in. It's on your shoulders to fit in, not other people's. And that's a lot of emotional labor. And so whatever makes you an other is gonna build that resilience muscle. So women really are resilient just because of what we're up against, and black women even, I would say more so. So I, being the first, I had plenty of grit, plenty of resilience. Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it sort of knocked me for a loop for a second. But it didn't take long for me to get in beast mode and like, "Okay, I'm the CEO of my care team. Let me boss, lemme handle this." And I began to look at my entire medical team as my staff and I'm the CEO of, and I took control and I was back on top. But then in the middle of my battle with breast cancer, my marriage suddenly exploded, imploded, okay? Like Maury Povich style imploded, okay? It was really the way that it went down, like, overnight, the day I got out of surgery. I think the combination of that. One, breast cancer always challenges the identity of a woman. And then to find yourself, you know, going through a divorce and to have been the one left is another. Well, long story short, this was my Damascus road. This was my, you know, bring me to my knees, "Jesus, please, please," moment in my life. And it really broke me. It really broke me. It was a dark period in my life. And here I am, the woman who prided herself of being the bounce back. You know, I'm like a weeble and wobble. I, you know, I'm a weeble. I wobble, but I don't fall down. I mean, I prided myself on bouncing back, the ability to bounce back. And I could not bounce back from this. I mean, I could not. Year one, year two, I'm still deeply struggling and depressed. And so it was in the midst, the throes of this personal life crisis that the epiphany hit me. My grit wasn't enough. My resilience wasn't enough. Angela Duckworth's book wasn't enough. There was a book two to be written. It hasn't, but there was another side to this coin. The problem with only relying on your grit is that it's not an inexhaustible supply, is that finite supply of grit. It hinges on the strength of you, your physical body, your mental status, your emotional status, it hinges on that. And so I have run out of it all. And I came to this whole grace thing because my therapist at the time kept telling me to be good to me. And, you know, she would say it. I'm like, "Okay, okay." Say it. "Okay." Another day. Okay, in the session, be good to you. So finally, I said, "What are you talking about, be good to you? What are you talking, I think you mean more than a mani-pedi or bubble bath or chocolates. You know, what are we talking about here?" And that began my path to understanding what it means to really take care of yourself and to offer yourself grace. It is, one, it really requires, first, you creating the space and time to lean in and connect with your soul, what you really want, what your soul desires, why you're here in the first place, and to acknowledge what your soul needs in any given moment. You know, does it need rest? Does it need tenderness? Does it need space? Does it need to be affirmed? Does it need to be heard? You have to acknowledge that. And I think so much of my success today had really been about compartmentalizing, moving forward anyway, plowing through, not pausing and taking a break. When you do that, what you gain from a practice of grace of really, you know, tapping into what it is that you need, is that the gift of that is perspective. And so when you offer and you practice grace, you gain fresh perspective. And three things happen. You, you know, pause, you know, get a little rest, gain a little perspective and say, "Wow, what I'm doing, I am on the right path and I'm affirmed in this. I'm very clear now, clarity of thought. I'm on the right path. I have the right approach. Now that I'm rested, lemme double down on this." Or with new perspective and some rest, you come back to the problem and you say, "You know what? This is the right issue, the right focus, thing for me to be focused on, but it's the wrong approach, so let me tweak my approach." Or, third way, third gift, is with regained new perspective and rest, you come back to the problem, to the fight, and you realize this ain't my fight, okay? Let me shift my energies in a direction that truly benefits me and positions me to have more impact in the world in a way that really aligns with who I am. So that's the gift and the power of practicing grace. Here's the thing with grace, whereas grit has a finite supply 'cause it's literally dependent on what you physically can muster up, and we're finite beings, grace has an inexhaustible supply. You can keep going to the well for grace again and again and again. I define grace, we all know grace in the biblical sense as something that we receive from God. We're taught to then extend grace to others, right? But we miss one of the most important pieces is first to extend grace to ourselves. The more grace that you're offering to yourself, the more that you're able to offer someone else, extend to someone else. But you can't skip this part, yourself. So that's what my journey taught me. I was at the end of my rope. I had nothing left to give. I was broken. I was so exhausted, and my fight, my grit, couldn't save me. But grace did. How did it do that? Well, I learned to say no. Personal boundaries. Okay? I learned to listen to my body instead of bullying my body, getting sleep when I needed sleep and rest. I learned to invest in me, invest in the things that really just were for me, for my own personal development. So investing in me meant sometimes taking three hours on a Sunday afternoon and going for a walk or run and not feeling guilty about, you know, the to-do list, or it meant investing in, you know, a course or a conference that wasn't directly tied to my work, but an interest and innate talent of mine, going for opportunities that were maybe off the beaten path of my path that I had chosen in life, let me, like now I'm co-host of a new podcast by Chicago's public radio NPR station. And it's about, you know, intergenerational conversation between three black women. It's not about healthcare, but it feeds my soul. So these are the things that, that's called active self-compassion when you're taking action to, you know, to act on things that you really want and need at a soul level. And then there's the internal compassion where you, you know, make it okay to listen to what it is your soul needs. So that's a long answer to grit and grace. But that's what I've learned. And in the process of learning, I really didn't know how to operationalize grace in my life. And so it's still a journey. I'm still learning, it's still evolving.
- I love that. And I just wanna take a minute to stay right here for a minute, one, to acknowledge you and thank you for your vulnerability. I think all too often as women, we have this perception of perfection, perfection in other women and the need to be perfect in ourselves. And like you talked about some of that emotional labor, I think it takes a toll.
- Exactly.
- Statistically, we know that women are burnt out. Statistically, we know that there's physical and emotional abuse that women are facing every day. We know, statistically, that women are in this shell in this corner. I strongly encourage anybody who is in our audience today that if you need help, if someone else needs help, there are resources throughout our communities that are free for you to access through some of our social services, through your EAPs with your employers. Even if you can't talk to your best friend or your mom, your sister, your brother, your husband or boyfriend, get a therapist. Thank you for normalizing therapy. You know, I think about, I love that car commercial where it's like, if you had one car your whole life, how would you treat it, how would you take care of it? That's our body and our mind.
- Exactly.
- That car engine is our mind. It has to keep going and it has to serve you. And understanding that there can be depression, there can be sad days, there can be anxiety, and it really takes professionals to help you through that. And don't feel like that you have to go through that alone because it is a big burden to carry, carrying that emotional labor at home in the role that many of us play at home, and then coming to work and wanting to have that grace and wanting to do those things, and like you said, compartmentalizing, 'cause you feel like you have to check that at the door. But how do you give that grace to yourself to make sure you're fully showing up in your awesomeness?
- You know, when I started to practice grace, developed a grace practice for myself, I was so much more conscious and aware of everyone else's suffering, quiet suffering. And when someone is acting out with you, it is, I know it's because they aren't offering themselves grace. You know they ain't got none for you. Okay? So they're not offering themselves grace. So my job is, you know, I have to protect myself, boundaries, but I wish them grace and I keep it moving and I don't take it personal. So you're spot on about women being burned out, and really, women leaders, women who are leading, whether you're leading at work, in your community, in, you know, in your business, if you're a business owner, in your home, so many women are the head, single head of homes. But in the workplace, women are, there was this recent study by McKinsey and Lean In, the organization founded about Sheryl Sandberg. And what they found in, they do it every year, a state of women in the workplace. And what their latest report said that women leaders are resigning, leaving their jobs, at high, high rates as compared to men. And why that is, it's the burnout, it's the emotional labor. It's all of that. So for women leaders, this is maybe a little controversial, but here's your survival kit, okay? For women leaders, okay? It's a coach, a therapist, and a lawyer. Okay? Those three things.
- One to get you outta jail when the other two get you in.
- Right? Those three things is what you will need. Anybody feel me on this one? And I tell women this for coach and therapist, you absolutely need one when you're in crisis, you know, when you're in a career crisis or you're in an emotional crisis, personal life crisis, you need one. The best time to have a coach and a therapist is when you're not in crisis. You can go further faster in life. Can you imagine? So it's basically starting off in a hole at a deficit. And then they have to bring you to even, okay? What would happen if you had those same resources and you were at even, and you had those same resources pouring into you, you're here instead of below the thing getting to even. So I think we often look at particularly therapists and we look for a coach in crisis and we think that a therapist is only for crisis. And it is not. It is not. It's a resource for your professional and personal development, but you are in crisis, you absolutely should be reaching out for therapists. We'll talk about this later, but next week I'll be hosting, co-hosting, with a Milo Doctor therapist, an event specifically for women, professional women. So we've got a link we'll drop in, share at the end of this for you all to register for this event. But yeah, so that's my answer on grit and grace. I'm still, I know, look, I got a PhD in grit, okay? I haven't even got my GED on grace. Okay? So I'm working on it. I'm working on it.
- I love it. I love it. Well, I think that's a great place to pause too. I do have a ton of questions the audience is interested in, so I'm gonna rapid fire you in just a moment. Before we move into that Q and A, continue to submit those questions, we'll absolutely send that out. Make sure you join Key4Women if you have not joined already, because you will get, one, the replay of this call if you missed anything, as well as some updated tips in answering of your questions from Cheryle. So if you aren't, please go right now. Use the QR code on the screen or go to key.com/JoinK4W. That's key.com/JoinK4W. So, Cheryle, we've got a number of questions, and I'm just gonna dig right in to see how many of these we can get in. So, you know, you talked about being the first in some of these cases, and with women, we always get this question of how are you showing up when you're labeled as being bossy? Thanks, Courtney, for sending this one in. What advice would you give when you're one of the few female voices in the room and can be heard just as much as men, but you're labeled bossy? But then we also got another question that was really interesting all around gatekeepers and how a lot of times we deal with gatekeepers, but then how do we prevent ourselves from being seen as gatekeepers as well? And that one's from Emily. So, you know, kinda hand in hand of this idea of these labels and how do we prevent them and how do we not become them in ourselves?
- Well, first, I teach on this. Have you been or do you see yourself in life as a worker bee or queen bee? So, I think life in every sector really, you know, often pigeon toes women into this worker bee status. Women are very dependable, loyal. We get it done. And when you look at whether it's church, okay? Who's in the pews, who's running the committees, it's women. Nonprofits, it's women. Government, you know, at the staff level, it's a lot of young women, okay? You'd be surprised, Washington runs on smart young women. In corporate America, the middle ranks are filled with women. Women get it done. And oftentimes it's a dance that we participate in. When you're this valuable player, they want you, you're often, you know, incentivized to stay where you are. "I rely on you, you know, I need you. The team needs you." And so you're in worker bee mode, okay? But the question is, do you believe that you're worthy of being queen bee? Do you believe that you're worthy of being a leader? So questions, when you are leading and you get that you're bossy, damn right. I am a boss lady, okay? I own it. It's meant to be weaponized against you for sure. But if you've got the right self perception, if you think of yourself as a person that is worthy of leadership, you've got great ideas, you're really experienced and ready to take on leadership opportunities, then step into that boss lady mode, step into that queen bee, but be careful about being boxed in to the worker bee. Worker bees will come with more money, seldom with titles that will transform your career and catapult you to the next level. Certainly the experiences remain about the same because they've come so much to depend on you. And sometimes identity is wrapped up in that, wanting to be dependent on, wanting to be that reliable person. I mean, we're moms after all, we have to be reliable, we have to be dependable. But let's be careful to not have that be a self-limiting identity in the workplace and in business, because there are all too many people that do, I mean, I'm guilty of it. I get someone great, I'm a woman, it's not a man versus woman thing. We all do it. It's societal. I'll get someone that's really great, a young talent, and I've so dependent on them, instead of coaching them out to their next level and up, sometimes you just wanna hold on 'cause you get accustomed to that. And I have to check myself that my job is to promote great talent, all talent, and I'm particularly interested in promoting women talent. I have to be careful about that, but I wanna admonish you to be careful about that as well. So if someone calls you boss lady, I'm hoping they're calling you bossy, okay? That means you running some stuff, okay? But you do wanna make, this is why I recommend a therapist and a coach because, you know, those terms and those labels are meant to hurt you, weaponize against you, they're call microaggressions, and over time, these microaggressions eat at you, they chip away at your soul. So you wanna really be self-aware, you wanna find ways to give constructive feedback when you are facing my microaggressions. And then finally, if there's a pattern of it and it doesn't stop, then you wanna find another opportunity, okay, where you can thrive and grow and be supportive.
- And it's a lot, you know. We got some questions from Tiffany and Nicole about the balance of it all, right? While we have our last couple of minutes here, one, how do you balance whether you have multiple businesses or business and a career, and then also the pivot of how do you balance grit and grace?
- Yes, it's a good question. I love Sally, your comment, "I'm not bossy. I am the boss." Okay, that part, Sally, that's what I'm talking about. And hi, Ty. Well, I see a friend that I know in the chat as well. Balance, no such thing. I remember when I was a newly appointed press secretary to a former governor of Illinois and I was invited to be the keynote speaker of Delicate Balance, the theme of the conference for women was delicate balance. And I went to the podium and I put on the podium my two cell phones, my pager. I was like, "This is my life. I have no balance. I don't know why they picked me to be the speaker." I said, "Maybe because we're just supposed to have a conversation. I don't have any answers for you." This is how I began my talk. What I think that it is, is life integration. Here's what I heard someone say, and it spoke so profoundly to me, "Balance is the ability to move in the direction that your soul needs." So I was like, "Yes, that's grace," you know? 'Cause we talked about what grace is, right? Listening to what your soul needs. Sometimes your soul says, "I need rest." You know, but you get that perspective. Rest, and to change it up, sometimes your soul says, "This is it, this is pure alignment, this is passion, this is where I'm supposed to be." And you double down on it. You know? So it really does require balance, listening to what your soul needs and gaining that, which is why you must have a grace practice and get in the habit of listening. Now, lemme tell you, I'm saying these things to you in this moment feeling like a hypocrite because in the past, say, three months, I've been all grit and no grace. The problem with that is my soul has been crying out for some grace recently, and I just not, my grace practice is in shambles, so I know that I need to pull it in. This is not something that you do one and done. It's a lifestyle. And if you're going to achieve great things and you wanna have a lot of balls in the air and you wanna do, you know, be this multi hyphenate person, the more you need a grace practice in your life, so that you're constantly in tune to what your body needs and what your soul needs and you're moving in that direction.
- Well, I love, I love, love, love all of that. And again, the vulnerability. I have to say to everyone, I'm gonna give you the last word in just a moment, Cheryle, but thanks, everyone, for joining our kickoff to Women's History Month. And thanks to Ivory Salmon for introducing us and to Colleen Dugarte for always supporting us as our Key4Women's senior initiative development manager, our AV partners, of course, for you, Cheryle, joining, and all of our co-chairs and operating committee members across every single one of our markets that are meeting the needs of women business leaders and owners across this footprint. So, with that, thanks so much. Again, join us at key.com/Join.K4W. We won't spam you, but we definitely wanna stay connected. And thanks again for joining. Cheryle, last words.
- All right, the last word is this. Join me, if you like this talk, join me next week, and we're gonna talk about how to unleash your... unleash your secret ambition and I'll be co-hosting with a therapist and it'll be an hour long, Thursdays at 7:00 PM, but we get to take a psychological look at what's holding you back and then how to sustain that. So I think that hopefully, Colleen, did you copy those links? I can't seem to find the link. If you could drop the link.
- [Colleen] Yes. Yes.
- Okay.
- [Colleen] I will send it out, Cheryle, with the recording to everybody so that they have that information.
- Oh, okay. Awesome. I thank you. Thank you so much, Rachael. Thank you so much, Colleen and Ivory. Thank you for connecting me to this wonderful organization. I am now a member of Key4Women, so I will see you, we'll be hanging out at future events together.
- Awesome. Love it. Well thanks, everyone, for joining. Have a great rest of your day. Take care.
- Okay, thanks. Bye.
One won’t let you give up and the other helps you let go. The truth is you need both in life to succeed. Successful women in business and at work know all too well about grit, but grit alone can’t sustain success.
Watch this webinar replay for a conversation with Key4Women National Director, Rachael Sampson, and guest speaker Cheryle Jackson about why practicing grace along with grit is the answer to not only sustaining success but walking in your brilliance to live a life your soul desires.
Cheryle Jackson’s history-making career has been marked by her ability to break barriers. She has served as a C-suite executive at a global aviation company, CEO of the Chicago Urban League, a candidate for the U.S. Senate seat vacated by President Obama, communications director for an Illinois governor, and a vice president at National Public Radio.
In 2018 Cheryle founded Grit and Grace, The Movement, a women’s empowerment, coaching and media company. In 2020, she became CEO of MyOwnDoctor, a telehealth company that offers culturally specific care with platforms Black Telehealth and LatinX Telehealth.
In her intimate TEDx Talk “Grit and Grace,” Cheryle validates the career trajectories of go-getters but also implores women to place self-compassion on par with ambition as a lasting model for success.
Let’s Work Together to Achieve Your Goals.
For more Key4Women resources to help you reach your goals, visit key.com/women, or email us to learn more.