Webinar Replay — The Role of a Lifetime
Well, Hello, everyone I am Rachel Sampson, National Director of Key for Women and Head of community banking here at Key.
I'm so thrilled to be with you today as we celebrate national small business month and the incredible contributions of women entrepreneurs, leaders and their supporters.
Women owned businesses continue to fuel, the economy representing 40% of small businesses in the United States, employing over 12 million workers and generating over 2.7 trillion dollars in revenue from 2022 to 2023 alone.
Women own businesses grew at a rate 4 and a half times faster than their counterparts.
Small businesses are at the heart of our communities, and I encourage all of you to consider ways to show support throughout the year.
Today I am joined by the accomplished. Pam Sherman
I first connected with Pam a few years back through Linkedin again the power of social networks, where we quickly discovered our shared passion for business community advocacy, and I also had the opportunity to see her portrayed. The iconic Irma Bum back in a one woman show in Cleveland Playhouse Square last summer. The performance showcased Irma's amazing life in her unwavering commitment to advancing women's rights.
Pam's portrayal was truly inspiring, not to mention hilarious, but also left a lasting impression on me as I'm thrilled to bring her unique approach and talents to all of you today.
Pam is an actor, writer, leadership, consultant and recovering lawyer who was profiled in people magazine about her transition from lawyer to actor. Today she speaks, facilitates, and coaches leaders all over the world about how to present themselves and how to find their edge, explore, dream, grow, and excite
Pam works with individuals, fortune, 500 companies, law firms, advertising agencies, and is a highly rated global resource for the leadership organizations. EO. Vistitch, Ypo and Tiger 21
as always, please submit any questions that you have for Pam in the chat box, and we'll get to as many actually, throughout our program and during our QA. Portion. And with that pam, thank you so much for being here. Please take it away.
Pam Sherman
Thank you so much, Rachel. I can't thank you enough. And I wanna thank the entire key for women and key bank team for this opportunity, because this is a full circle moment for me and a realization of vision that actually happened for me
15 years ago when I started my small business, and to be here during national small business month for those of you who have small businesses, or who dream of having one, or have family members with them, or who support them in so many different capacities.
Whether you're starting a nonprofit or you work in academia we are touched by small business all around. But 15 years ago this was me in my cornfield in Pittsburgh, New York.
and I had been living a creative life
to that point I had been yes, a recovering lawyer, and I'll share more about that. But I had been working as a writer an actor, and really my role was to be what I called the suburban outlaw, sharing stories of irreverent men and women who are making a difference for their communities, and my column was published on the U.S.A. Today network around the country.
But at that time I was also thinking about how could I take my skill sets and do something with them in order to make an impact and build a business that would make a difference for my community and my family and for the work I really wanted to do.
So it it's really funny. I decided to call my business the Sherman Edge. Now I I'm very edgy because I come from Staten Island, New York, and my husband comes from Geneva, New York, not Switzerland. And he used to say, you're so edgy, you need to stop being edgy. When I finally realized that having an edge might be the thing that could create a super power for others, and could be my super power come to life.
I also can find a parking spot anywhere. So I started dreaming about what edge meant, and obviously came up with explore, dream, grow and excite, and I grew my business from there. But 15 years ago I was invited to attend a key for women event.
You're in Rochester, New York.
and I will never forget sitting in that audience and
feeling a sense of community
and a real understanding of the incredible resources that key bank was creating for all women in the community, whether they be in business or working in nonprofits or they work from home. It didn't matter. Key Bank was there for you. As I watched the speaker that night, and I looked around the room, I actually said to myself one day, I'm going to get to pay it forward and do this for other people, and maybe present for key for women.
So you can imagine my sense of pride to be asked to have this afternoon with you and to share my story and to give you tools and skills. I hope that will take you to the edge.
The ironic thing is
that I'm actually terrified of edges, I mean, seriously afraid of them. I am afraid of Bunny Hills. I'm afraid of Just, you know, climbing stairs in a in a tall building, and a few years ago I had the opportunity to bring my program to this place a city called Cape Town, in South Africa. It's named one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
and wherever you go this mountain Table mountain looms out. You can't help but see it. And the entire time I was there people kept asking me, Have you gone to the top and visited Table Mountain.
and I'm like, No, no, no, I'm very busy. I don't have time to do that.
And then they said, Well, you have you taken the funicular because it revolves in a 360 degree. Turn, and you can see everything as you go up to the edge of the mountain. And I kept saying, No, no, no, I I really can't. And I was speaking actually in the tallest building in downtown Cape Town. It was a bank
and speaking to leaders like you, who wanted to make a difference and an impact with who they are. And the cannon went off at at noon on the top of Table Mountain, and they had to peel me off the ceiling, and I realized.
I was a liar.
I want people to go to the edge of their leadership, the edge of possibilities to make a difference and an impact in the world. And I wasn't willing to go to the top of the mountain myself.
So I decided, and this is what I did, that I was going to take that funicular clinging to the poll as it revolved.
Annette.
I got to the top.
and this is what I did.
I stood out on the edge.
and when I stop screaming
I and opened my eyes
I actually could see for miles.
I literally felt I could touch the sky.
and that the possibilities were endless.
And I hope by the end of today in our time together, you'll feel the same way that you'll feel that the possibilities of what you can do, the edge that you are willing to go through to grow your presence, your business, your organization in the world.
will make a difference for you. Going forward. You'll note I had one foot down, and I did have my family there. I like to say it could have gone either way that day, depending on how they felt about me push or pull but I made it, and and it's interesting. As I was standing there thinking of possibilities, I was reminded of the beginning of my story
and the fact that as a little girl I felt possibilities were endless.
I dreamed in the second grade that I could be a Broadway star, and I would play piano with the door wide open, hoping that a wandering talent agent would hear me sing and cast me on Broadway.
Yeah, but they don't really wander the streets of Staten Island listening for singers. And, by the way, I can't actually sing, I just can imagine that I can sing, talk about possibilities, but that was the vision that I had for my future.
I wanted to be an actor, and I felt that that was something that I could do it was attainable. It's amazing how, when we're small and we have big dreams, there's nothing that stops us except ultimately the people in the outside forces, and what happens inside our head.
So for me, that was my parents. I came from a very traditional family.
My father was a an ovgy N. And my mother was a Freudian psychoanalyst. This was very confusing. So for them, being an actor, was just not the path that they wanted me to take. So I took what I thought was the best next path.
and I went to law school. And and the really funny thing is, I thought it would be just like being a lawyer on TV,
only it really wasn't.
And I thought I had to act like something that I wasn't.
And I like to say. Well, first of all, I'd like to say my husband was a visionary, because that's what I looked like 40 years ago when he married me, but for me I felt like I was wearing, and I actually was wearing an ill-fitting suit.
one that made me feel uncomfortable.
And a funny thing happened on the weight of my secure profession.
My law firm went out of business.
Now this could have been because I was leading a double life.
I had returned to my first love acting, and I started taking acting classes. And the funny thing happened to me. Suddenly my confidence was growing.
I felt myself walking differently down the hallways. Partners would stop me and say, was that you I saw on that commercial? And I'd say, No, no, no, really, it's not me but it. It led me to believe that maybe there was something that I was learning and going back and relearning how to be a better actor, a better character that I could use in real life.
and when my law firm went out of business, my other dream was realized, was which was to be profiled in people magazine, and they told the story of people who ditch their day jobs to pursue their dreams. Well, the funny thing happened. My law firm ditched all of us, and suddenly I had to figure out what I was going to do.
So I decided to take the leap off the edge
and became a full-time working actor in Washington, DC.
And I got a phone call, and it was from head of training at one of the divisions of the Department of Justice.
and she said, or at least this is my memory.
Can you help
make my lawyers more interesting?
And I said, no, I don't think I can. I don't think that's possible. And then I started thinking about it, and I thought, Well, what is it that makes you. The audience want to follow an actor?
What are the skills that they use to be more believable?
And I decided to take that path and it changed my life.
I started working with leaders all over the world.
helping them share themselves and their stories with passion, and making them realize that
the messenger matters as much as the message. Whatever business you're building or community program you want to activate.
you are the best seller of your business and how you show up for your audiences is critically important.
This is taking me everywhere from, I like to say Milwaukee to Morocco, from Cincinnati to Saudi Arabia, and every place in between.
and I want you to know that no matter where you are, whether you're in a small town, a big town, wherever you are around the world
leaders want what you are looking for, too?
How can I connect to my audiences? How can I make a difference? How can I make an impact for all those that I come in contact with
a few years ago. And thank you, Rachel, for mentioning this. I had the opportunity to actually go back on stage. Now. I hadn't been an actor for 13 years. My job was to help people be better actors in their professional lives.
but I decided to take that leap because it was a one woman show about my idol a woman named Irma Bombbeck. I don't know if anybody out there knows who she is. But she is an amazing iconic columnist who was the first woman to write the truth about what it was like to be a wife and mother working inside the home.
She did this for an incredible span of her career, writing 27 books, 3 columns a week.
and I decided to take that leap
and do something scary
and take a break and go back into a rehearsal room. And the lessons I learned there I learned actually have helped my business, and I believe can help you.
I realized that theater is a team sport, just as every business and every organization is. I had to trust my director to lead me, because sometimes we're followers and sometimes we're leaders.
and I had to trust that when I stood backstage in the dark, which is kind of like what happens when you're dreaming of starting something, starting a business, or a new project at work.
That, when the lights went on, I could fulfill my vision of success, which was to take the audience on a journey where they felt that they were in the story.
I'm so glad that I have come to know Irma Bonbeck
and gotten to know her family and been involved in the earned of Bob Beck writers workshop. I hope that after this you'll go learn about her life. But most important people don't really care about any of my story. They really wanna know. Just have I seen you anywhere which is hilarious. If you really are seeking like, where is Bam Pam Sherman? Bin, you can. Google, sexy cheerleaders in a movie called The Replacements. I clearly am not one of them.
I played the shocked mom. It was a really important part.
and it's the part that I play in real life all the time. Now, so here's how playing you. The role of a lifetime really came to me
a few years ago I had the opportunity to work with Julia.
Julia was a senior director in a very large organization in the healthcare industry.
and she called me because she was so excited.
Her boss was leaving, and she had been tapped as her successor, and she was going to become the Vice President.
And then Julia said this to me.
I don't think I can do this.
I'm not sure I can do it like her.
and I realized
that Julia was about to put on the metaphorical, ill-fitting suit
that I had worn many years prior as a lawyer.
where she thought she had to act like something else. She had to act like the Vice President that came before her where she acted had to act like the idea of her vice President.
Instead.
I realized that the best solution that could help Julia be the most impactful and effective vice president in her role
was for her to bridge
the believability gap.
So what is the believability gap.
It's really important. To understand that. I understand that authenticity is an important tool that people want to use over and over again. And you've heard that word. But I started thinking about how authenticity actually can be challenging. Because you aren't you in a vacuum. You are you for your audiences.
You also have to start with believing yourself
so.
The believability gap is the gap between who we fundamentally are and who we think we ought to be which makes us less believable to ourselves.
And then the second half is the gap between who we actually are, and how we show up for other people which makes us less believable to them.
One usually leads to the other, and I can tell you that most often people have the gap between both.
and it started to occur to me that the surprising solution to bridging the believability gap
was truly about paying attention to what kind of character you want to put out in the world
how to play the best version of who you are.
So I went back to my acting books.
and I studied at the Neighborhood playhouse, an iconic theater school.
and I went back to this definition of what acting is.
It's the ability to live truthfully
in given imaginary circumstances. That's Sanford Meisner.
All of a sudden, I realized, isn't that what we're all trying to do in the world?
We have the circumstances that were given.
We want to lead with truth. We want to lead with believability. We want to be both true to ourselves, believable to ourselves and be believable to others.
When you put that together, no matter what role you play, whether you're the Vice President of marketing or the Vice President of Finance, or whether you want to start a business or whether you're a community a activist or community organizer, it doesn't really matter. In all the roles we play, we have to build our character beliefs, and we have to show up for our audiences.
We have to be who we are wherever we are, in order to ignite others.
So again the roles that we play are critical.
and I believe that the most important role is the one that too often were unwilling to embrace
the role of leader.
Once I reframed the concept of leadership, and that everyone has the capacity to be a leader, no matter where you are, on the hierarchy in your organization, or whether you have choosing to be a leader in your Pta or in your community, or on your campus, it doesn't matter. You have to think about? How am I gonna show up?
How am I going to behave? And how am I going to gain the followers that I need to be successful.
How can I make an impact on others?
So a working definition of leadership? And this is critically important.
This sat on my husband's first boss's desk, and he came home, and he told this to me. And I said.
This is the definition I can buy into. And there's many definitions of leadership. But this one to me is a perfect sentence.
Leadership is the ability to communicate a vision and gain commitment to it.
When you do this work of playing you.
You have to fulfill a vision, whether it's for your project or your business, you have to be able to communicate it.
and most important
you have to gain committed followers. If you think about it. Committed followers are emotionally connected to you. It's not just that they understand you. It's that they feel you. And if you think about it, when we're sitting in an audience, and we suspend our disbelief
and we go on a journey, and we feel something well that makes us fans for life, and it makes us want to stay connected to that actor. That story. And it changes us.
So remember, leadership is about behavior, not position.
Every single one of you can actually take these tools today and start playing you
in the best possible way.
So
let's take a leap
across the edge
to bridge the Believability Gap and see what tools can help you
explore your character and how you need to behave in order to fulfill your character's belief systems.
We'll do some dreaming and learn how actors use visualization.
And yes, we'll, Lori, we can absolutely send that to you. We would repost and share anything that you email me about.
we're going to grow and talk about our
how to move aside the obstacles to our presence, and then we'll excite and ignite you on your mission and send you on your way.
So the first thing we have to do is to explore connections because we have to. And we want to connect to who we are and to our audiences. And we wanna be able to figure that out through the power of what I call self awareness. You have to spend some time
exploring who you are, to know what kind of character you want to put out in the world.
So let's talk about this.
If you had to think of one word, and this is an exercise, and I would love to make. See this in the chat.
Lori, the the quote is, leadership is the ability to communicate a vision and
gain commitment to it.
But this exercise is one where I'd love for you to interact with me. So it's not just me talking, and I can hear you through the chat.
So if you had to think of one word that defines you through the core
at the core of who you are.
What would that word be? Now let's just talk about this. There's 2 rules. One is. It can't be situational late, tired, hungry, hot driving. That's not who you are.
And then the second rule is, you have to have an ounce of self awareness, because would your friends and family agree with you cause there's always one person in every group who says, I'm inspirational, and everyone in the back of the room is saying, Yep, that's not the word I would use. So I love this. Thank you. Kimberly. Content, nice, passionate, genuine, adventurous, determined.
Keep them coming.
loyal
storytellers, strong, enthusiastic, organizer, calm.
generous Switzerland. I love it. It means what you mean. Kind, loyal. I didn't say what kind of word it had to be motivational, happy, loving, love it!
I. The thing I have learned is that nobody ever says a bad word about who they are at the core? No one, and if they do, I help them learn another word right?
So the second
exercise for you and these are really important. Words are what's important to you.
What are your values? So to give an example for me, my core values, my beliefs in how I want to show up in the world are all about humor
in excellence, which for me means integrity. I hold myself accountable. I'm always going to do the best that I can do.
And then the third one used to be family. And then I realized that was problematic. So I decided to go big and picked connectedness.
So if you had to think of 3 words
that define your core belief systems.
what would those be?
Because the combination of your core defining word who you are and what's important to you are what I call your power words.
the things you can pay attention to, that will grow your confidence, your belief in yourself and help you show up in the best possible way every time.
Thank you. Respect transparency and courage.
truth, connection and impact
powerful powerful values.
any others.
integrity, moral and honesty.
authenticity, integrity, and loyal. I love it.
Flexible honesty, commitment, integrity, and authenticity.
So what do you do with these words. They're incredible.
Well, these words aren't just words. They actually can create the core of what I call your leadership brand. But, more important, your behavior driver.
Imagine if you created a simple sentence, and I I tell my clients to put this on a post-it note. Take your core defining word and your core values and turn it into a sent a sentence.
I am a leader who
fill in the blank. It's just like the old-fashioned mad libs, but it's about you and the character that you're building in the world.
Put it on a post-it. Note your power on a post-it note and pay attention to it.
One of the ways you need to pay attention to it is to think about how it shows up in your behavior. I will never forget the senior leader at a financial institution that I worked with.
who everyone said, you have to smooth out her edges. And when I met with her I said, No, no, no, we're gonna shine you up so everybody can glow in the reflection of what you have to offer.
She used to stop through the office and was a little scary, I gotta tell you. But when we started working on her presence and really paid attention to her values and her core defining word, and how she wanted to show up.
All of a sudden she would stop.
She would look people in the eye. She would ask them how they were feeling, and then she'd get back to what she was doing. But those brief moments of where she showed up like a human who was interested in others
that was showing up in her behavior.
I love this quote from Amy. Cuddy.
Presence is the state of being attuned to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts.
feelings, values, and potential.
She talks about how your body language shapes who you are, and you may know her famously from the power pose.
This is a pose where you make yourself feel bigger, engaging your core. You hold it for 2 min, and it releases what they call the power hormone in your body. I think it's testosterone, but I don't buy it. And you do this to grow your confidence, your capability, and your presence.
I do this all the time all over the world. You saw it in the first slide. Here you see it again. My power pose is imagining that I'm finishing a song at Carnegie Hall. The spotlight is on me. There's incredible applause, and I am shining my rays on the audience that allows me. I do this in bathroom stalls before I go and speak. I do this before I go into difficult meetings. And for me this was life changing research, and it made a difference.
The other way that your values can show up is in your voice.
I'm often asked to give a speech about finding your voice, and I'd like to say, you all have a voice.
It's really just how you use it, and paying attention to how it shows up in the world.
So in sure, if you're a quiet person, I don't want you showing up like me, I want you showing up like you.
And then finally, really understanding that when you've done the work on who you are, you've created your character, belief, statement and identified your power words that it doesn't matter if it's in real life, or it's virtual.
The greatest compliment I have ever received was after driving for an hour and a half in massive traffic, to finally go meet a client who had hired me that I had never met with before.
and when I walked into the room they said, Wow!
You're exactly the same as you are
from Zoom.
And if you can really bridge that
virtual world and understand that who you are, wherever you are, in order to impact your audience. That's what matters my core defining word in case you didn't know it. I didn't say it is energy, and I hope you feel like coming through this camera direct to you
my energy sharing it with the world in order to make an impact.
When you own your leadership, when you know who you are when you know how you want to behave and you align those, and you pay attention to it.
That's when you own the room, and you'll no longer be wearing the metaphorical, ill-fitting suit. You'll be wearing a suit of your own making that makes you feel truly powerful.
Next
the dream part, you know, we actors really dream big. I mean, I've been dreaming since the second grade, right? And the tool that we use is visualization.
It's really a critical component of growing who you are and spending time on playing you.
Now, visualization is a mind-body exercise. It's really learning how to be still and
seeing yourself
as successful.
It's about sharing your success story out loud.
I like to do a brief exercise with my clients where they close their eyes, and they imagine themselves telling the story of their business, their project, their success, as if it's already happened
to an audience of their choice.
You can do that, exercise any in any place.
and you can do it by yourself. You don't need someone to take you through it.
But taking the time to become excellent at visualization
is the first step
to creating what I like to call your leadership vision.
This is a fantastic quote by Stuart Friedman, who wrote a book called total leadership.
Again, this is a
way of focusing attention on what matters most to you what you want to accomplish and what kind of leader you wish to be. It represents who you are and what you stand for. And vision is an important component of believability.
So
there's an interesting bit of research around women in vision, and I'll never forget reading this. And I was so angry. Harmonia Abara published a an article about research that showed that as a group women outshine men in all leadership capacities
except for one
envisioning.
I will never forget, when I read that, how angry I was because I thought, well, I work with dreamers all the time. If you're going to start a business or a project, or lead others, or frankly be a successful follower, you have to have the ability to envision.
But as I dug into the research it turned out that
women
really have the ability to envision, they just express it in different ways, and they may not take the time to share it out loud until it's fully formed. It goes along with that same research that women won't accept a promotion until they feel they're absolutely ready. Well, if you envision yourself in the role, you will accept that promotion and figure it out.
So there's some great research. I highly recommend this book by Sally Helguson, who really is the expert on the female vision, and she says that if you're going to act on your female vision, which is different.
You have to articulate it out loud.
you have to enlist allies, you have to hold yourself accountable, and you have to remain fully present.
and I believe you have to write the story out of your vision
as if it hasn't happened yet.
But you know what? When we dream, when we have vision, when we think of possibilities, there are no constraints, there are no rules, there are no boundaries.
So why not take the time to start sharing and writing your vision story with detail.
I I love this idea that you should share your vision out loud. I I used to tell people all over the world. That that you could. If you state your dream out loud or your goal out loud, you're more likely to achieve it. And then I heard some research that actually said, That's not true. That if you do that, and people nod and they give you. You know that's great that you're gonna achieve that goal.
Often. What happens is that satisfaction of exciting that audience doesn't allow you to go further and achieve the goal. So the way to combat that is to be specific about your vision.
So if you're going to take the time to craft your vision to write it as a story, write it about sense of smell, taste, how you feel what you did to get there.
I want to share the story of one of my heroes, Amina Slawi.
She's been named by the World Economic Forum as one of the world's most powerful disability rights
activists.
She became a paraplegic many, many years ago on a vacation, if you can imagine.
And she said that as she went through her recovery
she knew that if she didn't create a vision for her future
she would not be able to get out of that bed.
Well, not only did she create a vision for her family, but she knew, as she was recovering in Rochester, Minnesota, and her family was in Morocco, Casablanca Morocco, that she needed to do something to change those circumstances, and she created the very first
rehabilitation hospital in all of North Africa.
A few years ago I got to visit that dream realized
you can't
see where you're going if you don't create your map.
So
craft your vision story. And I love that. Thank you for asking that Rachel. I have vision stories that change for me every year. I do it at the end of the year, looking forward at to the end of the next year, and then I start looking back, and I craft a story for every aspect of my life.
Now I also believe that the stories of our past
help to illuminate the path to our future.
And really, if you think about it.
story is a means for the transfer of energy.
All of you are building a story, and you have stories at your fingertips that can help your character bridge the believability gap. So important.
So what is a story? I'm a big fan of Annette Simmons. She's a researcher who has written some incredible books about storytelling, and she says a story is a narrative that feels real to the teller and the listener.
This is a really important thing. A story is not an explanation. It is not a data dump. It has to have certain critical factors. I'd love to share also a new book. By my dear friend Karen, eber called The Perfect Story. I highly recommend it, because it's got a formula for how you create a story
for the time that we're here. Now, I like to talk about story sharing, because story sharing feels inclusive. It's not about telling somebody. It's about pulling them into your circle.
so ensure that you have descriptive, sensory language that yes, you have to have a beginning, middle of an end. And met emphasize the emotional content. When you talk about story and you talk about your emotion, it makes your audience feel something, too.
And then there's been all sorts of research by Dr. Paul Zack, Za. K. That when we have a story where there's hero conflict, resolution, it actually releases oxytocin in the brain of the listener, and it allows your listener to want to be with you, to spend more time with you, and it puts them into your story.
So share your story, develop your story and make sure that you tell it out loud. When you do that, what's gonna happen is, you'll find your through line
if you're dreaming of something. But you're not quite sure what it is. You've got to go to your past and figure out what that is.
A woman that I met in Cape Town, South Africa, who is a dear friend, is a woman named Lauren Gillis. She founded this not for profit, because she wanted to make a difference for senior citizens who are not otherwise employed in her town, as well as students who are looking for new ways to be educated.
She started a business creating these bracelets that I wear every day, making a difference for charity.
but she struggled with her Y story, and as we started thinking about her through line, how she always wanted to make a difference. She used to run Marathons with the disabled to help them get over the finish line.
that she always wanted to make a difference, one person at a time. And so her why story became making a difference and changing the world one beat at a time.
Now
I like to say that every once in a while you're gonna have obstacles, and this is one of my favorite quotes. Do one thing every day that scares you. That's from Eleanor Roosevelt, who is actually terrified of public speaking.
We often have what I call the anti heroes. Yes, this was before Taylor Swift. But now you're all singing it right. Taylor Swift talked about the anti hero in her head. But there are these anti heroes who actually live inside our head. Hello, imposter! My old friend! Right? We can talk about that
then there's the person who who feels with their vulnerability by showing up as angry and they would never, ever think that they're acting in a difficult way towards other people, but they don't take the time to stop and consider how their behavior affects other people.
These anti-heroes actually most often come out of our fear.
and I believe again, that acting shows the lesson for how to move the anti heroes aside and quiet them in your head. I love this quote from Rosalind Russell, acting as standing up naked and turning around very slowly.
When you think about the vulnerability it takes to bear your soul, your emotions, to take your audience on a journey. When you think about the vulnerability that it takes to start a business to start a project to grow in your organization, or even to even to support those. That you support.
This is a quote. I want you to remember this came from my favorite acting teacher.
he said, and I used to repeat this to my children as well. They're scared, and you do, and scared, and you don't.
You're going to be scared anyway.
so you might as well do.
and I don't know why. Every tight rope is of a woman wearing inexplicable heels as she crosses the tight rope.
because I think when you overcome your fear.
this is
how you end up showing up
most often the thing we fear the most
is failure.
So the tool I like to give my clients is, and this is a great quote from Oprah, who also said, had I, I had no idea that being your authentic self
could make me as wealthy as I've become. If I had known that, I would have done it a lot sooner.
But she says, think like a queen, and it's so true. Actors use this concept of as if I mean, we're in imaginary circumstances. So we have to behave as if what if this happens
if we think about it when we behave as if we're successful? Ultimately it's not about failure. It is much more about the journey and learning to fail forward.
I would like to take the word fear out of everything. So I'm actually coming up with a new concept. I call it being fierce.
you know, if you're gonna be scared, it's very hard to be fierce. FIER. CE.
Instead. What if we rewrote. Those words came up with a new wordle.
fierce.
fierce.
You can be scared and do it anyway.
The best way to do that is to grow your energy. If you think back to the tools that Sally Helguson said, it's learning how to be fully present.
how to enlist allies and how to ensure that you gain and appreciate the world around you. That's what enacts your female vision.
So self care is critically important.
Taking time to focus and do this work.
Yes, I know you're watching this webinar, and for that I'm very grateful, because I think that's the first step.
But being fully present, how often do we take the time to do that often we're multitasking. We're not really focused. You cannot get to the end of playing a better version of yourself. If you're not fully present.
You can't be a better version of playing yourself if you don't spend time actually appreciating what you do have
being grateful. And you know there's all this is all in the tool book of positive psychology. When we write down 3 things that we're grateful for every day, or 3 positive things that happen every day. It grows our energy and our serotonin levels.
And then finally
enlisting allies.
joining key for women.
creating community around you, looking for organizations that can help you grow your business, grow your dream. That's critically important. So stay connected and use your networks.
So finally, the excite part.
I want to send you off, having been changed, and making sure that your audiences aren't like this.
but they are ultimately fans committed to following you to the ends of the earth. For all that, you have to offer
your job as a leader, as a small business owner, as though who love and support small business owners
is to break through what I call the fourth wall. If you think about it, that's what actors do where you're sitting in the audience, and you feel like they're talking to you.
Have you had that experience?
I have it all the time. I was just at the theater last week, and I was immersed in the action on the stage, and I felt like I was brought into the action, even though I was just sitting in my seat in the dark.
Every audience member of yours needs to come into the light that you have to offer, and to do that you have to take the time. I like to say, to rehearse. You
practice these skills.
work on those power words.
Take the time to create your vision and craft it and follow through on it, because when you do, when showtime happens.
you'll be ready.
So, as I conclude my remarks, I want to make sure before we get to the QA. That. You're changed. I love this quote from Mya Angelo. I'd like to know? Otherwise we've just been marking time. What's one thing that you might do differently because of the time we have spent together.
What's one thing and feel free to put it into the chat?
And it could be anything, anything, from what you've heard today, or just something that was sparked for you about this content, or for growing your presence in the world
daily list I love that stand taller, be more. Yes, be aware of your physical presence, practice your power, words, intentionality, so true, sherry being specific and intentional. That's my mantra all the time. Yes, you have to, and stop second guessing yourself. Use your voice. This is fantastic. I love it
so I wanna make sure that you all can stay in touch with me. I have a gift for you. If you sign up for my newsletter I'm I put. I no longer write my column on the U.S.A. Today network. But I have a newsletter that shares these insights stories from my work and my work with others.
So if you scan this QR code and again, do this, if you're like not driving, don't don't do it now. You will receive top 10 takeaways from the webinar that I hope will be useful.
and I hope that you'll all continue to follow me on the Pam Sherman. Because, by the way, Rachel, there is another Pam Sherman. She's a fitness instructor, and that's clearly not me. So I had to become the Pam Sherman THE. Pam Sherman on Instagram, Linkedin and Facebook. And I'll stop the share, and we can have a conversation.
Rachael Sampson
I love it well, thank you so much, Pam, as you and I know, and and thankfully have grown this friendship over the last couple of years. I knew we already had a lot in common, but there are so many more things that I can't wait to dive into before we move into our QA. Portion. Continue to write any questions that you have
in our chat box, and we'll get to those as many as possible as we can throughout our QA. Portion also for those of you who may not be key for women members. Hopefully, there are very few, but use the QR. Code on our screen to join
our organization, to receive the latest events, insights and updates directly to your inbox or visit keycom forward, slash.
join K. For W.
So now, as we talk about it, Pam, so many things resonated with me and with our audience, as we can see through our active chat box, you know, really
so much to get it to. You talked about being fully present, and you can't be a better version and appreciating what you do have, and being grateful for that.
what does fully present. I know we talk about it right? We talk about these big concepts. What does that look like for you, especially when there are a lot of folks who put self care at the back burner, and we talk about it so much. But what's what's the balance? You know you do all of these things, and you have these amazing children and family.
How do you do it all for my.
Pam Sherman
My children. Thank goodness they're not on the chat right? Because I think it's all about, you know they call it a practice of meditation. We practice. Because we're always trying to get better. And I told you, excellence is a core value. So for me, being fully, presence is actually part of my value of excellence.
So I have incorporated 10 min just 10, because I can't do more. I've tried of of meditation.
I I keep a journal. I I usually keep it near me because I you know, from from front to back. It's my list of to do, and from back to front. It's my gratitude list, my learning list, my curious list.
I I do think it's really important to have quiet time away. I I had to work with a leader who I'll never forget. I walked into her office, and she was typing the whole time, not looking at me, and the biggest complaint about her was, she never looked people in the eye, and she didn't stop and listen to them, and she wanted to move into a more senior position.
and I had to prove to her that multitasking actually makes us less productive and less effective. So she was a researcher. I handed her the research. And it was amazing. When she looked up
and she stopped. It actually made her drive faster. She got more engagement from our people, and she was able to be more successful. So being present, I think, is a critical factor. And I also think you know, self care is something I I I'm I balance is a very
challenging word these days, but there's no question that you have to take time for self care.
Rachael Sampson
I love that. And I think, too, you know, as you mentioned multitasking in this world of Post Covid, you know, we're in this virtual environment a lot more than what we have previously have been. And I think there's a tendency sometimes, whether you're meeting internally or externally, to multitask. And I just think about that as the opportunity of taking the time to your point. I think a part of self care is understanding.
Do I really need to be in this meeting if I'm multitasking to the point where I'm not paying attention and appearing as if I'm not fully present? Or do I really need to pay attention, and really saying No to some of those times when maybe it isn't the best use of your.
Pam Sherman
I would say, meeting management is one of the biggest things that I find when working with teams and leaders. And finding I've actually been starting to recommend, perhaps because my mother was a therapist. Let's end at the 10 out 10 of the hour, because it's amazing what that 10 min gives back to you in breathing between meetings.
so that you're not showing up. You know my favorite story was the organizer that I was working with was showing up as hyper, and always like pulling to a full stop at flaming on the breaks before she bucked into create. A Zen organized home for her clients, I said, Whoa! That is a disconnect between what you're trying to bring to others, and how you're treating yourself.
Rachael Sampson
Uhhuh. I love that, and also one of our favorite words that that we have now are gonna use our new coin word of fierce right.
Pam Sherman
Thinking, How can I trade market like a lawyer?
Rachael Sampson
Love it. We love entrepreneurship. We gotta make it work a t-shirt, something.
Pam Sherman
Does.
Rachael Sampson
But when you think about that, that was a big leap as you talked about, you know, regardless of what happened in the firm, really moving from law, which is completely different to acting. You know. How long did it take you to become, and comfortable with your authentic self, and on your new path like what were the things that you did to understand where you needed to be, and how to get there?
Pam Sherman
Well, it's really interesting. Whenever I showed up as
pretending to be something that I wasn't
I wasn't as successful, and I would say it actually started before the law firm went out of business when I went back into that acting class, so I ha highly encourage anybody, despite any fears. You might have. Improv classes, acting classes toast, master, you know, find those places where you can practice this because you think it's about playing a character and being something else.
But most actors are actually bringing who they are into the role. They're just living within the confines of the given circumstances of the script, or the circumstances that are given to them, and for them to be believable, and for me how to be my authentic self
really came in that mission, you know, working on my values. Spending time on being self aware and using that particular tool of emotional intelligence. But then, learning that I had to balance who I was with the needs and concerns of my audience. That doesn't mean you have to pretend to be something else, but you also have to meet their needs and be aware of them to bridge that second half of the believability gap.
Rachael Sampson
I love that. So even when you think about a lot of times we we talk about, as you mentioned, telling our story and and gaining advocates and allies along way where that can feel a little uncomfortable. Not, you know. I can say I've been there myself, too, of
how much is a humble brag versus visibility versus not. What does that balance look like when you are trying to share your story without
trying to appear as if more than what you are? Or is that really what we should do is play big. What does it look like? Actually.
Pam Sherman
Oh, interesting! I'm involved in an all girl Charter School in Rochester, New York, and actually our bracelets made in South Africa benefit. Young women's college prep. They have brag day.
They are helping young students. Now, these are girls who in seventh grade commit to going to graduate high school and go to college. They have graduated. Now they have.
Young women who graduated in law school. It's incredible but they have to learn. I think you have to tell your story. It's not about bragging it's about. Let me tell you the road to success, or let me share my story with you. Think about what your story or your brag is going to, how it's going to impact your audience. Suddenly it changes from being about you to how it can serve others. And I think that's a real distinction.
And this concept that we can't share what we've done and the impact that we've made. You never know when you're going to spark when I hold back, and I don't share my successes, or even how hard it was to get there. I'm doing a disservice to someone who might benefit from me sharing that story.
Rachael Sampson
I think that's so great, and we just see Melissa in the comments, saying, Hey! She had to turn. Learn to take a compliment, even as a grown woman, and sometimes others don't like how to take a compliment and thank them for it. I I feel like.
Pam Sherman
Like that. Oh, Melissa and I.
Rachael Sampson
Saying yes.
Pam Sherman
I tell my clients you can. I just I give them a compliment about you know. They'll tell me a story about something they overcame. And I say, I just said that was a compliment in case you didn't know, like you have to stop and think and say Thank you
and nothing else, because what happens is, we think being self-deprecating
is, you know, makes us more approachable or likable. And there's all sorts of research and books about the likability factor.
Yeah, obviously, humor is a now that's one of my core values to me. Humor is about lightness, generosity making myself approachable and warmth, and bringing myself into the people into the circle, taking a compliment.
acknowledges the other person who gave it to you.
Rachael Sampson
Hmm! I love that again, turning it and flipping it the other way. I think that's a theme that you've been sharing. So I'm interested when you think about leadership and success. whether you're a business owner, a team member, or to your point supporting others in a supporting kind of cast role, or whatever. What have you.
Pam Sherman
Yes, I love that.
Rachael Sampson
What some of the metrics, whether they're quantitative or qualitative, that you look at in defining a leader. Success being a good leader.
Pam Sherman
So interesting because I'm often brought in because people have met all the metrics that the company has decided creates leadership. And then they say, well, we want you for the soft skills. Really, because I think those are these skills. And suddenly, emotional intelligence is rising in the the qualitate. I
qualitative factors. And that's, you know, lives in 4 quadrants. We know self awareness. So that was a big part of what I talked about. Relationship awareness that's understanding your audience relationship, self management. That's that self care and and caring for your energy in order to succeed and continue making an impact. And that's relationship management.
resolving problems, confronting issues, building, you know, connections. So I think self-manage, that is to me one of the most important things
being
A great leader means it's not about you. I I I was reading a book by Francis Fry, who is one of my heroes. And that was the opening line of her book, and I was like, man. That's what we learn as actors
when we're actors. You think actors are all about themselves and their ego the best actors, and you'll hear the compliment. Wow! They really listened. They made it about me.
I felt like she was helped me be a better actor because it wasn't about her.
It's not about you. Leadership is not about you. It's about all those you wish to impact.
lead, and serve
to me once you get that shift
and you can zoom out from all the tasks.
That's when leadership starts to fe, you know, feel it helps other people feel that you are the leader that you're supposed to be. And that's true at any level, Rachel. Any level.
Rachael Sampson
Wow! Well, I think that was a drop the mic moment. So it's not about you.
Pam Sherman
Not about you.
Rachael Sampson
Oh, well, thank you so much for Pam for being here today, you know, as we talked about having an understanding of how you can enhance. Your presence is critical in making a meaningful impact on those you serve, lead, and influence. And as we talk about quotes again, Rene Brown, once shared in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. So thank you for our audience. Today. I hope all of you step into your greatness and embrace.
Being uniquely you, I invite you to connect with Pam on Linkedin, as I did the Pam Sherman Linkedin, as I did also an exciting announcement, make sure you catch suburban outlaws production of Irma. Bomb back at with in. She's going to be playing at the Denver center of the performing arts in September and the Des Moines Temple Theater in December. So again, Pam, thanks so much for being here. We appreciate your insights
and the connection, and just your generosity and willingness to share with our audience. Again, if you are not a key for women, member, please join us
to in connect with the community of experts of women in business to empower you on your journey to success, to join, go to key.com forward, slash, join K. For W. We, as a reminder, we will send everyone the recording and the resources from today's webinar that Pam mentioned
along with our post event survey. Please, please, please make sure you submit that feedback survey, because we use that as actionable intelligence to help us inform and influence our future keeper women program. So thanks again for joining everyone. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Take care.
Pam Sherman
Thank you. Rachel and team. Take care!
Rachael Sampson
Thank you. Bye, bye.
Whether you are a business owner or a woman navigating the business world, enhancing your presence is crucial to making a meaningful impact on those you serve, lead, and influence.
Key Takeaways
Learn how to play YOU and bring your presence to the EDGE with these insights:
- Explore: Your leadership brand and authentic connections
- Dream: Visualize success and share your story
- Grow: Out of your comfort zone
- Excite: Ignite your mission
Let’s Work Together to Achieve Your Goals.
For more Key4Women resources to help you reach your goals, visit key.com/women or email us to learn more.